Like many Peace Corps applicants I had this idealistic fantasy
of moving to another country and changing it for the better. I thought I would change the world and teach
people skills that would drastically improve their lives. I thought I could motivate students to learn
and teach them how to think critically. Yet after living in Tanzania for the
past year and a half, I realized that the world wasn't changing, my village wasn't changing, my school wasn’t changing, but I was. This
experience has caused me to change a lot and I am honestly not sure if I like
who I am becoming.
I remember witnessing corporal punishment for the first time
at my school over a year ago and being completely horrified. I wondered how I could have a good
relationship with teachers who beat students with the same ferocity as cattle and
was determined to implement other methods of punishment. I tried implementing detention, additional
assignments, physical labor improving the school environment, etc. I thought
that if I led by example and was able to earn the respect of students without
beating them, then the other teachers would possibly change their own behavior.
I wanted teachers to see that there was
a difference between respect and fear, and that fear is not conducive to
learning. I dreamed that my students
would feel comfortable enough around me to ask questions and tell me that they didn't understand something. Most
importantly, I felt that nobody ever deserves to get beaten. Certainly a failed test or tardiness could
not justify physical abuse. I felt sympathy for the students and wondered
how they could succeed in an environment without teachers or books. If the stick was the punishment for failure
and the system was designed for them to fail, then how could an education
coexist with an environment free of physical abuse?
A year later, things have changed. I have seen more beatings than I can count
and am sad to say it doesn't bother me anymore.
I used to hold back tears and avoid assemblies so I wouldn't have to
witness the abuse. Teachers would warn
me in advance if a student would be beaten so that I could prepare myself. What I can only describe as a feeling of
disgust, terror, and sorrow has become replaced with a cloud of numbness. It’s as if I am completely detached from my
emotions when students are being beaten.
Their looks of terror and cries of pain are met with a blank stare. Perhaps this is some sort of defense
mechanism to make working in this environment bearable, but sometimes I think the
students deserve the stick. I have tried
many different forms of punishment and students continue to do bad behaviors. Teachers have explained to me that African
students are different from American students.
“They only learn from the stick,” they say. I guess students have helped prove alternative
punishments ineffective, and teachers have begun beating students on my behalf
while I sit and watch. “Madame, the reason students don’t respect you or come
to class is because you don’t beat them.
If you use the stick, they will change their behavior.” If I had a dollar for every time a teacher
told me that those students fail or don’t come to class because I refuse to
beat them, I would be a very rich woman.
But that’s all I have left: This
moral conviction that physical violence is wrong and a constant refusal to
become the abuser.
I have been able to convince myself that I am
still a good person because I am not the one hitting them. As if sitting there watching makes me less
guilty. And I wonder throughout history
how many people stood by while injustice was being done. I've always admired those people on the other
side of history, those with enough courage to say “this is wrong.” I dreamed I would be like them, but I’m
not. I am worried for myself. I am worried that corporal punishment is
becoming so normalized in my life that one day I am not going to see it as
wrong or unjust. I have already lost my
emotional response to beating, how much longer before I lose my moral one. How much longer until I become the teacher
holding the stick?
I, too, was a teacher who did not believe in physical discipline. The men would call me out in the hall to be the witness while they used the paddle on a student. When the student left, the teacher would smirk at me and tell me thank you. Then I had a student who would not come to class. He went to the shop class when he should have been in my English class. One day I went to the shop class and told him it was time to come back to class. He just smiled and said,"Why should I?" I told him it would be good for his career later in life. He didn't think so.I asked if a paddle would convince him to come to class. He didn't think I would do that since he knew how I felt about corporal punishment. I had him select the paddle(he chose the one with lots of holes in it) and I paddled him in front of all the kids in shop class. He gave me a stunned look and walked ahead of me all the way to my classroom. And he never missed again. I never forgot that ugly experience, and I never did that again. So, dear Rebecca, life sometimes does not give us clear answers.
ReplyDeleteI do know this-I hold you in prayer and in love!!
Aunt Lucy
Thank you for sharing your story Aunt Lucy! Sometimes I forget that corporal punishment was common in America at one point. Do you regret using the paddle on one of your students?
ReplyDeleteHi Bec,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was about to begin teaching, a dear friend, Irv Glucksman, told me that when he started teaching in the 1940's he was told to hit the first kid that walked into the classroom and all of the students would fear him. He never did this, although he watched other teachers do it. I never did it, either. We have to accept that our cultures are different, but we don't have to internally accept behaviors that we feel are morally wrong. While you may believe that you are not making an impact, the students are watching you, and they are seeing a kind, respectful and hardworking teacher. They will always remember you, and that you had to tolerate some things that you were against because you were in their country. Maybe as adults they will want to change this behavior in their country.