One Year Anniversary

It’s been one year since I stepped of the plane in Tanzania, ready to start my new life as a Peace Corps Volunteer.  I was extremely naive about what the next 12 months would have in store for me. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life.  Peace Corps brochures always say, “This is the hardest job you will ever love” but I am still waiting on the “love” part.  At first I was excited about living in a rural village and getting to know the people here and learn about Tanzanian culture, but over time that excitement has subsided.  Each day holds multiple frustrations for me:  constant harassment by men in town, police corruption, lack of critical thinking, indirect communication, problems with water and electricity, horrible transportation, and an education system designed for students to fail are just a few examples.  There is high teacher turnover, so making friends has been difficult. You put in the effort to get to know teachers and their families, only to find them gone after a few months.

     They say that the one year anniversary is often the hardest for volunteers.  You have a lot of goals and expectations that remain unfulfilled, and many feel underappreciated and begin to question their purpose in this country.  For example, I expected myself to become fluent in Kiswahili, but soon learned that teaching English at a boarding school made learning the language extremely difficult.  After a full day of teaching more periods than any other teacher followed by tutoring students all afternoon, I just want to be alone in my house.  The thought of going into my village and trying to learn Kiswahili seems unappealing when I know that what I really should do is cook dinner and lesson plan. Unfortunately, certain staff members at my school judge my success as a volunteer based on my ability to converse in Kiswahili. I find this to be extremely frustrating and wonder why they wanted a volunteer English teacher in the first place.  It seems to me that it would have been easier to ask for a Tanzanian teacher if they just wanted someone to socialize in Kiswahili with. These staff members don’t really care that students are improving dramatically in English, have started enjoying learning due to interactive lessons, or that many have found a passion for reading books that does not exist in this country.  They don’t understand why I would rather mark daily English assignments than socialize with other teachers during the day and stay in my house at night. The idea of privacy and wanting to be alone does not exist here, but I have learned that if I try to change these habits and be more Tanzanian I will lose my sanity.

     One year into my service I am questioning my effectiveness here and have begun to re-evaluate my initial goals.  I know I have made an impact on the lives of some students, and need to be okay with that being enough.  There are countless days when I want to throw in the towel and go back to America, but I am too stubborn for that. I just hope my second year in Tanzania is better…