It’s been one year since I stepped of the plane in Tanzania,
ready to start my new life as a Peace Corps Volunteer. I was extremely naive about what the next 12
months would have in store for me. I can honestly say that this has been one of
the most difficult experiences of my life.
Peace Corps brochures always say, “This is the hardest job you will ever
love” but I am still waiting on the “love” part. At first I was excited about living in a
rural village and getting to know the people here and learn about Tanzanian
culture, but over time that excitement has subsided. Each day holds multiple frustrations for me: constant harassment by men in town, police
corruption, lack of critical thinking, indirect communication, problems with
water and electricity, horrible transportation, and an education system
designed for students to fail are just a few examples. There is high teacher turnover, so making
friends has been difficult. You put in the effort to get to know teachers and their
families, only to find them gone after a few months.
They say that the
one year anniversary is often the hardest for volunteers. You have a lot of goals and expectations that
remain unfulfilled, and many feel underappreciated and begin to question their
purpose in this country. For example, I
expected myself to become fluent in Kiswahili, but soon learned that teaching
English at a boarding school made learning the language extremely difficult. After a full day of teaching more periods
than any other teacher followed by tutoring students all afternoon, I just want
to be alone in my house. The thought of
going into my village and trying to learn Kiswahili seems unappealing when I
know that what I really should do is cook dinner and lesson plan.
Unfortunately, certain staff members at my school judge my success as a
volunteer based on my ability to converse in Kiswahili. I find this to be
extremely frustrating and wonder why they wanted a volunteer English teacher in
the first place. It seems to me that it
would have been easier to ask for a Tanzanian teacher if they just wanted
someone to socialize in Kiswahili with. These staff members don’t really care
that students are improving dramatically in English, have started enjoying
learning due to interactive lessons, or that many have found a passion for
reading books that does not exist in this country. They don’t understand why I would rather mark
daily English assignments than socialize with other teachers during the day and
stay in my house at night. The idea of privacy and wanting to be alone does not
exist here, but I have learned that if I try to change these habits and be more
Tanzanian I will lose my sanity.
One year into my
service I am questioning my effectiveness here and have begun to re-evaluate my
initial goals. I know I have made an
impact on the lives of some students, and need to be okay with that being
enough. There are countless days when I
want to throw in the towel and go back to America, but I am too stubborn for
that. I just hope my second year in Tanzania is better…
